??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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