And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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