if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
