alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
