please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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