yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
