As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
pray to the hookup gods
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
