If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
wow bdsm is so cute
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
