you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
