Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
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