i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
