My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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