I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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