fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
