Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I am available for nakedness
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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