So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
