So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
