We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
You've changed since you got that strap on
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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