Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
