I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
