She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
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