Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
