Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize