Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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