dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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