He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
