i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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