Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
