i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
