the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
barbara walters just said penis...
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
