Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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