How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize