I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
