Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
