Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize