I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Randomize
