you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
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