You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
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