Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I checked into jail on foursquare
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
