from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize
