would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
