listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
