dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize