that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
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