They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize