I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
