I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
