yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
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