He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
