Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
