That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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