My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Randomize
