Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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