i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
