Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
