i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
P.S. I can't hear my feet
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
i just made my gag reflex go away.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Randomize
