Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
