I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
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