How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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