I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
