just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
