clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
