Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Dicks are not precious.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
