the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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