All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
