hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
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