That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Randomize
