Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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