Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
